Scam’s the Word

Everything in life is, potentially, a scam. Parents? Scam. What’s with them loving me unconditionally, giving birth to me and raising me for two decades, without expecting anything in return? There’s gotta be a catch of some kind. Charities? Just giving away food and flying overseas to build homes in the mountains? Nah, they gotta be up to something.

The only way you get through life is never trusting anyone ever and bundling your emotion in a ball of suspicious at all times. So when the city council announces that they’re hiring proper, respectable Melbourne traffic engineering firms to clean up this tram problem, I’m suspicious. What does the city council get out of improving the city, huh? They think they can pull one over on us with that rhetoric about hearing our concerns and making it so that trams and cars can share the road with more efficiency? It’s all just buzzwords. I bet whatever traffic consultants they get in will realise it before long, although since it’s their job they’ll probably make the traffic better anyway, even though they know they’re working for a SCAM. Of some sort.

But what could people who live in the city have to gain from making the city’s transport more efficient? I hear they’re even getting in people to do car park consultancy, so that adds another dimension of mystery. They’re improving the roads for public transport, but also improving parking for people who drive…so that covers almost everyone. The only explanation is that all the people who work for the council walk to work, or maybe cycle, and they have something sinister planned for everyone who drives or takes trams. I mean, they did cave after only one protest, which is always a sign that something is up. Promised to summon the car park design consultants after a few hours of yelling and waving signs.

I’m just speculating here, but logically, I’m thinking…giant moon laser? Or possibly aliens. I just have to find a connection between them and traffic management. And I will

-Presley