I currently feel like I’ve been unhinged. If I was a door, I would be constantly closed. I would be unable to open unless someone was willing to rip me off my hinges and never put me back together again. These past couple of months, it has felt like everything I’ve faced has been a sliding doors installation moment, where I am constantly forced to ‘install’ life-changing decisions. It feels like every decision I’ve made has been the wrong one.
I am a human that has been unhinged. I know that the only way to be rehinged is to get myself help. If I was a door I’d need a door replacement. Melbourne is a very intense place to develop into a young person, and it has taken its toll on me. In the next couple of weeks, I’m going to find myself a psychologist and deal with each sliding door moment of the year. Hopefully whatever has led to my unhingement will make itself known and it can be dealt with.
I have been trying extremely hard to keep myself steady and in working order, however sometimes trying hard isn’t enough. Sometimes we need someone else to put us back into place, and that’s what I’m after. I have always understood the importance of seeking help and always emphasised this to my friends when they were in need. However, I have struggled to follow my own advice. What made me realise that I no longer had a choice was when I couldn’t open up to anyone what how I was feeling, not even my partner or my family. It’s important to them that I let them in, and I can’t do that if I’m a closed door.
Closing my metaphorical door and then being unable to open it has been a scary experience. I’m determined to open it again and so that my hinges can flow perfectly. I will let in the people I love and give myself privacy when I need. It will be fantastic. Look after your hinges everyone, I’m going to be.