Hot or Cold?

Finally, my new diabolical plan is ready to be unleashed! My enemies will tremble, my fans will rejoice and I will rule the world! Okay, maybe not the world, but at least the city of Melbourne. Eventually, however, once my machine is ready for international travel, I will rule the world!

You see, after the catastrophe that was Energy Bot 5000, I retreated deep into my castle, beneath even the dungeons, and began brainstorming. People didn’t cower before my giant robot, so what are they afraid of? I got thinking about what the people of Melbourne complain about all the time, and then I had it. Everybody is always complaining about the inconsistent weather.

That’s why I’ve invented Weather Machine 5000 (I briefly considered any of the other 4999 numbers before it, but they just didn’t feel right). It’s a device that will amplify the inconsistent weather in Melbourne. Let’s say it’s a cold, ten degree day in Melbourne. You leave your home with an umbrella, a thick jacket and maybe even some thermals. Then Weather Machine 7000 turns the temperature all the way up to forty. Suddenly you’re wondering where you can find the best air conditioning repairs in the Melbourne area, because you haven’t bothered to fix the air conditioner at home, seeing as it’s the middle of winter.

It doesn’t just stop there, though. After the temperature goes all the way up, people will take off their jackets and their thermals, maybe put them in the car or the closet. Then I’ll bring the air temperature way down again, and so on. I’ll be heating and cooling Melbourne from the comfort of my home, while everybody else suffers.

I figure that eventually, everyone will want me to turn the machine off so badly that they’ll just hand over the key to the city. If that doesn’t work, I’ll run for Premier and get that Norris guy kicked out while I’m at it. And people think I’m evil! That guy’s a lunatic.

The best part is that this is all perfectly legal. For some reason, there’s a section of the Free All the Convicts Act 1996 that prevents anybody from being arrested or fined for weather-related disasters. So I’m in the clear, which is pretty nice.

– Dr Dark McBane