The Office Monarch

Oho, the chance to become a true leader! While I still don’t agree with the way things are done in this realm – namely, people earning positions of power through merit rather than simply being born with royal blood – I’ll take advantage of their foolishness where I can, becoming the leader of… oh, maybe their entire city, to begin with. I’ll place the city under my control and just sort of see how I feel after that.

It’s just been announced that those in the office who show the best potential for leadership are being sent on a set of leadership and business management courses. Obviously, I am one of the people who will be sent. I magically teleport to work so I’m never late. I’m always demanding things of people in a loud, authoritative voice. Sometimes I sweep things off people’s desks in a display of power and dominance, proving my effectiveness as a leader.

Truth be told, I was never a ‘manager’ of anything, back in my home realm. I applied for the job of Lightning Corps Captain seven times, but Zaptherion the Bawdy kept getting rehired. It must have been because he was loud, like all good leaders should be, and I could never shout as loudly as he, not even after eighteen cups of mead at the celebrations to commemorate the War of the Stompy-Stompy Fun Time.

But now, I have learned! I am a strong leader! I’m not just going for a silly captain’s position, which never actually conferred any real prestige (it mostly just determined who got to throw the first bolt of lightning in a battle). I’m going to be an office manager. I’ll go on a course to hone my leadership skills, making me a well-oiled management machine. With the sales training courses to follow, I will be primed to usurp the throne, then the CEO position, and finally Melbourne itself!

I could just magically hypnotise everyone, but I relish the challenge.

-Mortimingle Hullabalumpkin