Dark Window Scoop

I’m going to blow this story wide open, see!

Tinting is great and all, but I’m on the hunt for a story, and this nose knows what it knows, so long as I keep following my nose, I know what I know, and no one else will know what I know, you know? Until they DO know, because I’m gonna tell them. I’m an ace reporter after all! I report the truth, and sometimes things based on the truth, and occasionally things that ain’t really true at all, but that’s the game, see!

Everyone’s getting window tinting in their buildings looking all dark and chic, and I wanna know why, see? Does no one else find that suspicious? What have they got to hide, in their giant tinted buildings with all that…tint. Corporate secrets, some kinda special projects going on? Or maybe they just want to decrease the amount of UV rays that enter the building. That’s the big secret, everyone: this company got office window tinting because Sarah from finance was getting sunburned sitting at her premium window desk.

Now, that’s terrible for Sarah, but not so good for me. If companies are getting window tinting en masse because they think it looks good or they like the functionality, then I don’t have a story anymore. I just gotta submit a piece entitled Companies in Melbourne Get Tinting for Obvious Reasons, Looks Pretty Good. Maybe they’d eat that up in Window Alterations Monthly, but I don’t wanna get involved in the cut-throat world of window alteration journalism. I’ll do almost anything for a good scoop, but them folks? They’ll actually do anything. They’d eat me up and spit me out.

Nah, I gotta find something real saucy and spicy. Spicy and saucy. A window tinting story covered in layers of sauce, and cooked in spice under a low-to-medium heat for forty minutes with a secret blend of herbs. I don’t wanna have to move onto my backup story: Decorative Window Film, Melbourne and its Darkest Secrets.

I don’t know any dark secrets of window film. Darn, why does no one want to hand over their dark secrets for print?

-Scoop McGee