Kind of a Big Heel

What do people have against high heels? Honestly, I don’t get it. Everyone says it will catch up with me when I’m older, but I’m nearly 20 – how much older can you get? If I haven’t caught plantar fasciitis by now, surely I’m immune to it. Right?

My granddad is always going to the foot ulcer clinic at the local podiatrist, which I don’t understand at all beyond not wanting anything to do with it. I wouldn’t touch that place with a ten foot pole. Even if I had, like, an ingrown toenail, I wouldn’t go there… like, what if I caught a foot ulcer? Granddad thought it was hilarious when I said that, but wouldn’t explain why. 

I don’t really understand what foot health has to do with high heels. I keep my shoes in near-mint condition, stored in special boxes that keep them perfectly aired and organised. I would never let my ratty younger sister touch them. I have about 40 pairs, I reckon. In any case, there’s no way I’m catching any foot diseases from them, so I don’t understand what the problem is. 

Mum says it’s not just about catching stuff – that there are other kinds of foot conditions, like bone and tendon issues, which you can get from wearing high heels. But I’ve been wearing them for three years straight now, and I’ve never seen any sign of that. Mum just says ‘you’ll see’, which seems a bit cryptic. She also said something about how I’ll end up having to wear Dr. Comfort footwear if I don’t start listening up. Um, who is Dr. Comfort when he’s at home? I’m so not wearing his footwear, that’s for sure. Ew.

I asked dad, and he just muttered something about youth being wasted on the young. Seriously? Why is everyone so infuriatingly anti-youth? I can’t help it that I’m in perfect health, and have the best shoe collection this side of… I don’t know, my friend Bianca’s shoe collection.