I’ve got this idea in mind for an outdoor kitchen. Not just a makeshift pizza oven with a fire pit and some bench seating, but the whole shebang. I’m envisaging a fully realised contemporary kitchen and dining area, decked out with all the latest appliances – except outside. It’ll be on a covered patio, but in the open air.

I’m coming up against a bit of resistance to it, though. I can’t imagine why. Well, okay, I do know why, even though I don’t agree. It’s because I want to lose the inside kitchen and replace it with a recording studio. It’s really the perfect space, and totally wasted on a kitchen – the acoustics are spot on, the electrical stuff is well appointed and the garden view is a nice bonus. It seems, though, that my proposal of an outdoor kitchen installation isn’t going to cut it with Edith.

The bank isn’t too keen on the idea either; apparently, not having an indoor kitchen will significantly reduce the property value, which doesn’t sit will with them re our mortgage. Well, I say poo-poo to that. People love being outside! Sure, it might get a tad frosty on winter nights, but that’s why we’re going to have outdoor heating installed. 

I didn’t hear any banks complaining when Edith wanted to do that crazy bathroom renovation project. Melbourne people don’t want separate rooms for the toilet and shower, for crying out loud. But the bank would have been fine with it if I hadn’t blocked the idea. And yet, now they’re telling me I can’t move the kitchen onto the patio! I just don’t understand these people.

Edith has said she’ll be moving out if I go ahead with it, and that she’s tired of living with her brother anyway. Well, I won’t need her money if I can get this recording studio off the ground, will I? It’s just a matter of convincing the bank.