The Bath Technicians

​​ ‘Wait, how many plumbers did you say we needed?’


‘That can’t be right… can it?’

‘Well,’ I frowned, glancing at my computer screen. ‘It says here that when you’re just changing the bath out, you don’t need a plumber.’

My wife looked doubtful. ‘Who do you need then?’

‘Just a….’ I scrolled down the page, peering closely. ‘A bath technician.’

‘A bath technician?’ she asked, with a raised eyebrow. ‘Really?’

‘Yep,’ I nodded, pleased with myself for getting to the bottom of it. ‘Why?’

‘You don’t think that sounds… made up?’

‘No,’ I scoffed, waving her concerns away. ‘Don’t be silly. This is a very reputable company. They also work on bathtub solutions for elderly people. Sydney senior citizens have never been better looked after, did you know that?’

‘Bathtub solutions…’ she frowned. ‘What does that even mean?’

‘I have no clue, but I bet the old folks just love it.’

She let out a deep sigh, and took a second to compose herself. ‘Look, Jason—’

‘I know what you’re going to say,’ I interrupted her.

‘You do?’ she seemed sceptical.

‘I do! You want to see if we can get some sort of bath modifications too. I’ll look into it, see if there’s anything we might want.’

‘Not even close,’ she shook her head. ‘I was going to say this is clearly fake.’

‘What?’ I frowned again. ‘You think so?’

‘Yes, I do,’ she rolled her eyes. ‘I’ve seen companies that provide bath modifications for seniors before. Good, honest companies – and they never call themselves bath technicians.’

‘B-but, they’re, like, the technicians…’ I trailed off. ‘Technicians of the baths.’

She sighed and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

‘Not a real thing.’

‘Fine,’ I snapped, ‘we’ll hire a real plumber, as you wish.’

‘Good,’ she rolled her eyes. ‘That’s a good thing.’

‘And one of those companies.’

‘What’s that now?’

‘Someone to modify our bath.’

‘Why would we want—’

I stormed out of the room to make the calls.