Canberra’s Superiority

Canberra is objectively the best place in Australia to live – well, probably, or at least possibly. I know this because I’ve lived here my whole life, and I went to Melbourne for uni for like six months, and sometimes I see news stories about things going on elsewhere, so… yeah. 

Take Melbourne, for instance, which is currently having some major issues with their streets being SO crime-ridden that they need a mystery vigilante with bionic limbs leaping around and beating people up with her piston punches. Here in Canberra, we don’t even NEED a vigilante.

There was the Great Canberra Area Gas Heater Service Crisis a few years ago, during which time there was a shortage of heating units, the politicians all barricaded themselves inside Parliament House and the ordinary folks tried to batter down the doors, armed with pitchforks and hot cups of coffee, because it was just too darn cold.

But you know what? We bounced back from that savagery, and became stronger. Now Canberra has the best heating in the business, no mysterious cyborg vigilante justice, and unlike Sydney, we don’t feel the need to upgrade all our offices so that robot butlers are bringing us beverages. Yeah, pfft…compensating for something, Sydney? 

I honestly don’t know anything about…literally any other city in the country, but I bet their heating isn’t as good as Canberra’s, and their streets aren’t as clean, and politicians don’t make as many important decisions there. Basically all the important decisions are made here, I’ll have you know. Canberra has the final say. Adelaide has a flower show, but that’s not even a long drive away. Adelaide might as well be a suburb of Canberra, is what I’m saying. 

Yep, we’re just gonna lie back and keep being awesome, we here in Canberra. Companies that do gas heating like nowhere else in the world, zero need for crime-fighters, classic office spaces, and no giant heating grid threatening to erupt and wipe us off the map – what more could you want?