Oscar-Bait: Smashing

I actually don’t have the slightest clue why people get so into movies. Look, I’m not emotional and I don’t get worked up over… well, anything, but especially not movies. And yet, DuMesque releases another flick and it’s party time for days. I guess he must’ve spun the wheel and decided to make a hammy Oscar-bait biographic this time; the one my friends are trying to drag me along to see is Windows, Smashing! It’s about a jovial English gentleman in the late 19th century called Nye G.L. Thornbury who starts smashing windows by night because he has a strange compulsion to destroy things.

I hear there have been some complaints that Melbourne timber window replacement companies have been poorly represented in the movie because they have the gall to tell Nye that smashing windows is wrong. See, Nye is a tortured soul who lives in total luxury but finds himself unfulfilled. He lives in a pre-mental-health-aware society, so he has to keep his urges a secret. Oh, poor baby. How dare professional glaziers be so mean as to tell him that he shouldn’t be smashing up their handiwork? I really hate the idea that we should all just forgive any behaviour because a person can’t control themselves.

Be sensitive, sure, but don’t just let a person keep running around at night hurling expensive ornaments through windows because they think it’s fun. That sort of thing needs to be addressed.

After Nye has his big emotional scene in the rain where he confesses that it was not being hugged enough as a child that led him to collapse into the cold embrace of smashing things, his secret agent girlfriend hugs him and we flash forward to 2019 Melbourne. Oh look, professional timber door replacement services are on the cards! And Nye’s descendant is a mischievous-looking lad with a glint in his eye and a brick in his hand.

I’m guessing we’re supposed to empathise with his need to destroy a perfectly good timber door.

Why are people into this stuff?